Yeah, yeah. Two posts. Big whoop. I’m feeling the feels tonight and I don’t know how to stop it.
I’m slightly overwhelmed. Student loans. Moving to LA. Watching as my family grows old. Missing him (I know, that one is stupid and silly but I can’t help it. I almost bought him something the other day and sometimes I find things that I want to share with him. I want to write out a message but I stop myself. I’d like this feeling to leave me in peace. But I don’t feel that I’m ready to move on. No one compares. Sometimes I think that maybe that was the best and I should at least be happy it happened. I am happy it happened, but I wish I didn’t still feel so raw.). Maybe it’s the idea of him – at least, that’s what I tell myself. I miss my friends. I miss my dog (even though he lays beside me).
There’s so many people I want to help and so many things I need to do. I feel like I’m running out of time.
The world feels like it’s burning faster and longer than ever before. I used to know what to do. I used to have so much hope. Maybe I still do. But I don’t know for how long. I do know that having all of that hope was an incredible feeling. It was easy to find solace there.
I’m scared to see what November holds. It’ll be one year since that. It’ll be two years since that other thing.
One thing is certain – I need to forge a new path. I need to keep looking forward. There’s nothing left of the past that can truly fuel me anymore. Sure, I can use it as a reference point. I can use it as a guide. But what lies ahead is much more important now. The world is changing. Time is speeding up. I’m getting closer to the end and there’s much to do.
