This is when things hurt most.
My morning and my nights.
I wonder where you are. I wonder what you’re doing. I wonder if you’ve seen a funny vid being shared on social media. I wonder how your day went.
I wonder what you think of. I wonder if you ever think of me. I wonder if I’m easy to forget.
I’m not supposed to think of any of these things but I do. It’s not that easy for me to let someone I loved go.
I know I should be angry and I am. Parts of me hate the way everything happened. Most of me knows things needed to change. Most of me knows that this needed to happen.
I look to the future now and I wonder if there’s space for you in it. I thought we were a team. I thought we were working towards the same thing. I thought we both wanted to know how this chapter would end.
You let it go and I thought it was premature of you to do. I told you to stop being a scaredy cat. I told you I thought you were better.
The truth is, you were. You did the thing I couldn’t do.
I still miss you very much and believe with much of my heart that you and I had something that very few people get to have. I still think we do, but I also think we need time and distance for that to work. And that is a whole other story that I can’t entertain. It will hurt me. I know it will.
I saw this the other day. It broke my heart but I understand 100% how this feels because I felt this when I canceled my flight.